The Subject-Experimental Recovery

A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89H6-4K7-1Z


PROJECT: November Delta Beta

DATE: December 30th, 20XX



We have extracted blood from the Asset when in powered down mode. Even the most powerful, conventional microscopes could not detect the quantum machines. We have used an electron microscope, and are able to get a visual. (Image attached) 

The machines are inert but we’ve been able to extract a sample. A series of tests are scheduled to implant them in mice and see if the QM (quantum machines) will be accepted by another host. We begin tests tomorrow.


Initial implanting of inert QM to mice was successful, there were no adverse reactions. The Asset is departing for a mission tomorrow and we’ll see if blood transfusion is a viable method for creating more Assets.


I’m disappointed to report that when the Asset was activated the mice had an adverse reaction. The QM consumed the mice from the inside out. It was hoped that the Occam’s razor theory might be workable but clearly, the people who built this revolutionary technology were very careful to not let it fall into the wrong hands. Not that we are the wrong hands. Also, I’m glad we did not name the mice.

We have tested their remains but QM appears to have become permanently inert. The samples in the Asset’s blood sample still seem viable. Our working theory is that the QM are encoded to each subject. Frustrating for us, but completely understandable.

The Coding Team is currently working on hacking the QM, though they dislike the term “Hacking,” for some reason. Weirdos. If they can find their way in, it is possible that we could replicate the process. 


After much work, the Coding Team has made “Contact” with the QM. Currently, they can send simple commands such as, rotate clockwise or move next to another QM. This may not seem like much but it is a HUGE breakthrough. Now that we can send simple commands, that are obeyed, the hope is that we can begin to understand how these QM work. 

If we weren’t in the middle of REDACTED, I’d say we all earned a night out. We’ll have to be satisfied with the potables we have been cleared for. Huzzah for the good guys!


Well, that was premature. While the QM obeyed simple commands, when given more sophisticated tasks, they detonated. Given their extraordinarily small size, it might be reasonable to assume that the effects would be invisible to the naked eye. Not true. There was substantial damage to the lab and the electron microscope.

The team was given a lengthy, let’s call it a lecture, about carelessness and the cost of state-of-the-art equipment. There was no mention of the danger to the team, until the end when REDACTED asked about it. I write this not as someone who is bitter about the lack of concern that our superiors have over our safety but as a scientist. Simply as a scientist.













Something astounding has happened. The Asset was caught on the edge of a low-yield nuclear blast. That is not the astounding part, the fact that the Asset survived is the most astonishing part of this. We knew that QM could heal almost every disease and condition up to and including cancer but they prevented what should be a death sentence. The applications are staggering.

I saw the Asset when brought in and it was a horrifying sight. Any description I offer would not be adequate to convey what I saw. There are images and video files attached to this record but I cannot recommend viewing them. 

Fortunately, this is an opportunity to test, what the medical team is calling “The Baccta Tank.” An experimental gel designed to aid victims of severe burn injuries. The Asset is no longer screaming in pain so it appears to be working.







Doctor REDACTED was lost in the incident and I am attempting to go through their files and see what can be gleaned. Unfortunately, a large chunk was lost in the incident. 

However, I am hopeful that DNA residue left in the experimental gel bath may give some insight into the workings of the QM. A series of new tests will begin once the new equipment and personnel arrive.

Given what we now know, I am sanguine about the future. 


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The Subject-Colonel Knowledge

Rise and Shine America!

BCA (Broadcasting Company of America)

Host: Allison Whittier

DATE: December, 27th, 20XX 7:33 AM EST


WHITTIER: Welcome back. We are talking with Colonels David Taylor and Jane Harris of the newly formed United States Enhanced Guard. Colonels, thank you for joining us.

HARRIS: Our pleasure.

TAYLOR: Thank you for having us.

WHITTIER: Let me just say, I’m loving the new uniforms!

HARRIS: People seem to like them.

WHITTIER: Very patriotic.

TAYOR: That was the idea.

WHITTIER: What can you tell us about the Enhanced Guard.

TAYLOR: Well Ms. Whittier, the shape of military technology has changed radically this year. 

HARRIS: We are here to make sure that the United States can protect themselves from those who might do us harm.

WHITTIER: Have you received any specialized training?

TAYLOR: Yes, while we both served, it was important to be able to use our new abilities.

HARRIS: It’s a matter of discipline and control. You need both when you’ve been enhanced.

WHITTIER: Charlie Ramirez has no military training but he seems to be able to use his new abilities quite well.

TAYLOR: First, let me just say that we both have nothing but respect for Mister Ramirez.

HARRIS: He’s a true American hero.

TAYLOR: I’d have to say, and this is just me speculating, he was already a disciplined individual.

HARRIS: Which is something we’re all grateful for.

WHITTIER: So someone without control would be dangerous?

HARRIS: Lack of control can be dangerous for anyone, enhanced or otherwise.

WHITTIER: True but an enhanced individual is effectively a weapon.

TAYLOR: A hammer can be used to attack someone or build a house.

WITTIER: Except a hammer can’t fling a car through a skyscraper.

HARRIS: We want your viewers, and all Americans to know that the members of the Enhanced Guard are here to protect you.

TAYLOR: That’s job one.

WHITTIER: What if you are ordered to fight against non-Enhanced troops? 

HARRIS: America is not currently in a state of war. 

WHITTIER: That’s not what I asked.


WHITTIER: Do you consider Enhanced soldiers to be the new nuclear deterrent? One of you could lay waste to anything a modern army could throw at you.

TAYLOR: We are not weapons, we’re people. It’s important that everyone understand that.

WHITTIER: Will you be taking part in relief efforts, like Charlie Ramirez and Sir Roger Clarke?

HARRIS: We serve at the pleasure of the President.

WHITTIER: Which means?

TAYLOR: Mister Ramirez and Sir Roger are private citizens and can do as they please. We must follow orders.

WHITTIER: Will the President order you to aid Charlie Ramirez?

TAYOR: Excuse me?

HARRIS: If and when he does, we will both be there on the double with smiles on our faces.


TAYLOR: Excuse us, ma’am.


HARRIS: Duty calls. Thank you for having us.

TAYLOR: Yes, thank you.


WHITTIER: You’re very- And they’re gone. Folks, they can really move THAT fast. We’ll be right back with Tina Tipton tips for a fancy New Years Party on a budget. 


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The Subject-Why Lie?

Debra Feinberg’s notes. December 24th, 20XX

(This is my recollection of my conversation with Charlie after we met that psychopath sociopath. I have a pretty accurate memory, but I’m not mentioning where we were, just in case someone finds this. Who am I writing this for? I don’t know, maybe to myself? That sounds perfectly reasonable. Ugh.)

ME: Are you out of your Goddamned mind?

CHARLIE: I don’t think so.

ME: Because trusting her is crazy.

CHARLIE: I never said I trust her-

ME: -But you think she’s telling the truth.

CHARLIE: It makes a kinda sense.

ME: One of the first rules of journalism is to consider the source. She is an extremely unreliable source!

CHARLIE: I know.

ME: Do you?

CHARLIE: Deb, I understand why you’re cautious.

ME: I’m not cautious. Cautious is when you do a week’s worth of research on what new smartphone to buy. I’m justifiably paranoid.

CHARLIE: I’m not saying to take everything she said at face value but isn’t it possible that what she said was true?

ME: Very, very, very, very, VERY unlikely.

CHARLIE: That’s a whole lot of verys. 

ME: Please don’t be charming right now!

CHARLIE: You think… Sorry.

ME: Okay, let’s look at the facts. This woman destroyed a large part of downtown Flagstaff as well as a good chunk of the surrounding area.


ME: She then is whisked away by government agents from an unnamed agency.

CHARLIE: Where she is held in spite of her legal rights.

ME: Yeah…

CHARLIE: You don’t agree?

ME: I do! But she’s dangerous so I’m… conflicted.

CHARLIE: That’s understandable.

ME: Thanks. Anyway, this shadow agency, God I can’t believe I just said that, experiments on her and uses her as a weapon. And the reason they can do this is that there is a code that will nullify her enhancements which allows them to control her.

CHARLIE: That’s not right, even given what she’s done.

ME: She listed a half dozen “assignments” she was sent on. All those people she murdered are really dead, though the media clearly doesn’t know what actually happened. If she’s not just lying.

CHARLIE: Why would she lie? 

ME: She’s crazy.

CHARLIE: Maybe, but I don’t think she’s making it up. 

ME: I don’t either. I just wish she was.

CHARLIE: Me too.

ME: So now she’s on the run hiding from this shadow agency because they cannot turn her off anymore. It sounds like a cheesy old TV show. But that is just burying the lead. You have an off switch.

CHARLIE: That’s not great.

ME: No, it’s not.

CHARLIE: The government hasn’t used it on me, or even threatened to use it.

ME: Of course not, you’re the reason most people aren’t afraid of enhanced types. You stopped a literal super-villain. 

CHARLIE: I suppose so.

ME: So they don’t mention to you how they can take your abilities away with a few keystrokes. I’m sure they think of it as insurance if you ever went off the rails. Not that you ever would.

CHARLIE: It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

ME: Me too.

(We sat there for a bit, maybe five minutes? Honestly, I didn’t keep track.)

CHARLIE: She did tell us how to fix that.

ME: I don’t like it.

CHARLIE: I don’t need to get caught in a nuclear blast. A low-yield one.

ME: Adding low-yield doesn’t make it sound any better!

CHARLIE: I know! I not going to do that. 

ME: You better not.

CHARLIE: Scout’s honor.

ME: You were an Eagle Scout, weren’t you?

CHARLIE: I was. I mean, I suppose I still am. 

ME: So, according to her, it was the EMP that reset her quantum-level enchantments. 

CHARLIE: Does that make sense? Scientifically?

ME: No. Yes. Maybe? This stuff is way beyond anything we can do.

CHARLIE: Except, it isn’t.

ME: Except it isn’t. Honestly, I don’t know. 

CHARLIE: So it could work?

ME: It could. Or it could kill you. Or do nothing.

CHARLIE: I think it’s worth a chance. 

ME: I don’t know. I don’t trust her.

CHARLIE: She trusted us. We could’ve turned her in. Why put herself in more danger by talking to us. It would be smarter to just disappear. She had nothing to gain by telling me and everything to lose.

ME: You’re… right. 

CHARLIE: How can you get an EMP without a nuclear blast?

ME: Actually, that might be easier than you think.

CHARLIE: Really?

ME: I know a lot of scientists and engineers. I can make some calls.

CHARLIE: You are so cool!

ME: You should hear me sing Tom Lehrer’s The Elements.

CHARLIE: I’m kinda excited.

(At this point I kissed him and he kissed me back. Is it important to this story? It is to me.)

ME: Hold on.

CHARLIE: Do you want me to stop?

ME: Yes. I mean no, but something just occurred to me. That Christmas card, it had directions on where and when to meet her, right?

CHARLIE: It was pretty clever. The message was interwoven into the pattern on the card. Only someone like me could’ve read it. 

ME: Could you make a message like that?

CHARLIE: Oooph. I think you’d need some special tools to do that.

ME: So, whoever sent the message is working with her.

CHARLIE: Whatta ya know? A Chrismukkah miracle.

ME: It’s something.

(The rest is none of your business.)

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The Subject-Hide and Seek

A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89V7-X4D


PROJECT: November Delta Alpha

DATE: December 23th, 20XX


BROWN: The Asset is still at large.

X: I know that Agent Brown. Please elucidate how this is possible, given all the precautions that were set in place.

BROWN: The override codes that controlled her enhancements no longer work sir.

X: How is that possible? While our very experienced engineers, physicists, and nanotechnologists have yet to understand even the basics of how this works, they did assure us that the override code was, as they said, “Baked in.” 

BROWN: Well sir, the working theory when the Asset was caught on the edge of that low-yield nuclear blast, the EMP, electromagnetic pulse-

X: I know what an EMP is.

BROWN: Of course sir. The scientific team has theorized that it negated the override code.

X: Theorized? 

BROWN: Since the Asset is no longer available to study, there isn’t more than they can do.

X: Keep them in isolation for now.


X: They may be correct, but there is the possibility that this was an inside job. 

BROWN: None of them know how it was done.

X: None of them has admitted to knowing how it was done. There is a difference.

BROWN: We did lose about thirty percent of the technological investigation team.

X: I’ve already ordered an independent investigation of the team, including the deceased. 

BROWN: Understood sir.

X: You were the Asset’s handler. Did she show any signs that might’ve prevented this?

BROWN: If there were, she concealed them expertly.

X: I’m disappointed that you missed any and all clues.

BROWN: I saw no clues, sir.

X: There are always clues.

BROWN: With all due respect sir, the Asset’s psychological profile showed sociopathic tendencies, including a disregard for human life, a complete absence of guilt or remorse, and as well as being a skilled liar.

X: In other words, the perfect agent.

BROWN: We didn’t treat her as such, sir.

X: If the Asset was tried in open court, they would’ve been locked away in the deepest, darkest hole for the rest of their life. As it was, the Asset was given multiple opportunities to indulge in their predilections for violence and do as service for their country.

BROWN: The Asset may not have felt so much recruited as blackmailed. 

X: Why didn’t you report this?

BROWN: I did, sir. You surmised that the Asset would eventually accept the situation.

X: They would’ve had this unfortunate incident occurred.

BROWN: Yes sir.

X: How is your arm?

BROWN: Fractured in multiple spots, thank you for asking sir.

X: You feel ready for duty?

BROWN: If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here, sir.

X: Good man. Any leads on the location of our wayward lamb?

BROWN: No living family, no friends to speak of. We’ve uploaded the Asset’s details to facial recognition data banks worldwide, as well as monitoring any incidents that match her unique skill set.

X: I’ll expect regular reports.

BROWN: Naturally, sir.

X: Time and tide Agent Brown.

BROWN: I’ll have an update within the hour, sir.



X: Agent Grey.

GREY: Yes sir, what can I do for you?

X: I’m sending you a file. Initiate a REDACTED Protocol.

GREY: Coming in now. (FOUR SECOND PAUSE) Sir, this is-

X: Indeed.

GREY: Is this a test sir?

X: If it were, you would be graded poorly.

GREY: Initiating REDACTED Protocol.

X: Thank you, Agent Grey.


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The Subject-The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89H6-V9X

LOCATION: Debra Feinberg’s Apartment, NYC, UWS. (Audio Only)

PROJECT: November Delta Alpha

DATE: December, 21st, 20XX, 20:23

RAMIREZ: So it’s not a Christmas tree?

FEINBERG: It is not.

RAMIREZ: But it is a tree in your living room. That you have decorated.

FEINBERG: That WE have decorated. You’re in this with me.

RAMIREZ: Okay, that we have decorated. But it’s not a Christmas tree. 


RAMIREZ: Then what is it?

FEINBERG: It is a Hanukkah bush.

RAMIREZ: A Hanukkah bush?

FEINBERG: I know you heard me.

RAMIREZ: I’ve done a little reading about Hanukkah and I didn’t find anything about a bush. Candles, oil for eight days, the Maccabean revolt. Nothing about a bush.

FEINBERG: It is a more recent addition to the holiday.

RAMIREZ: And the significance, spiritually?

FEINBERG: It’s more secular than spiritual.



RAMIREZ: But you didn’t tell me the significance.

FEINBERG: Do you want the long story or the short?


FEINBERG: Christmas trees are fun and some Jewish people felt left out.

RAMIREZ: Isn’t that cultural appropriation?

FEINBERG: Well, the Christians stole it from the Pagans so I’m not losing any sleep.

RAMIREZ: Really?

FEINBERG: I research my justifications very thoroughly.

RAMIREZ: I’m impressed.

FEINBERG: As you should be.

RAMIREZ: Thank you for sharing this with me.

FEINBERG: Thank you for not judging my mishmash of holiday traditions and secular humanism.

RAMIREZ: It’s fun. And I’m learning stuff.

FEINBERG: Would you like to put the Star of David on the top?

RAMIREZ: I’d be honored.

FEINBERG: Perfect! All your training with Christmas trees really transferred over.

RAMIREZ: Phew! That’s a weight off my shoulders.

FEINBERG: You’ve worked very hard, so sit down and we can read through that large sack of Christmas cards you brought over. I’ll be right back.


FEINBERG: Here we go!

RAMIREZ: Eggnog, thank you!

FEINBERG: Take a sip.


RAMIREZ: Is this…


RAMIREZ: Where did you find Rompope?

FEINBERG: In my kitchen.

RAMIREZ: You made this?

FEINBERG: I did and it was not easy. There were many, many trials and errors.

RAMIREZ: I’m so touched. I know you’re not a cooking person.

FEINBERG: True. But I do enjoy a holiday-themed beverage.

RAMIREZ: This is the best Chrismukkah ever.

FEINBERG: Look at you!

RAMIREZ: Look at us.


FEINBERG: Should we just throw these into the recycling and…

RAMIREZ: Very tempting, but is it in the holiday spirit?

FEINBERG: Hmmmm…I’m going to say yes.

RAMIREZ: They took their time to send cards, seems rude to just throw them away.

FEINBERG: I did said recycle them. (THREE SECOND PAUSE) Fine.

RAMIREZ: It feels like a long time since I got a Christmas card. Wow! Here’s one from REDACTED!

FEINBERG: Very tasteful. I’m surprised you didn’t end up with a warehouse full of cards.


FEINBERG: Shut up!

RAMIREZ: I don’t know if it was that many but people were sending me a lot. A lot of them got sent to the White House, for some reason. The staff was very nice about it but I don’t think they were happy.

FEINBERG: Did you carry it all away like super-Santa?

RAMIREZ: Ha! No. But I got on social media and thanked everybody who sent me a card or a present-

FEINBERG: You got presents?

RAMIREZ: -I asked people to send a card to someone who needed holiday cheer. Vets, nurses, teachers, delivery people. All those folks who keep things running and don’t get the thanks they deserve.

FEINBERG: You are painfully good. Wait, you’re on social media?

RAMIREZ: I set up an account so I could say stuff to a lot of people at once.

FEINBERG: Be very careful. The internet is a dangerous place.

RAMIREZ: No politics, no personal stuff. 

FEINBERG: And no opinions. 

RAMIREZ: Really?

FEINBERG: I’d warn you to stay positive but you’re always positive.

RAMIREZ: How is that a problem?

FEINBERG: Just be careful, okay?

RAMIREZ: I promise I will.

FEINBERG: You could hire someone to handle that for you.

RAMIREZ: Is that a job?

FEINBERG: You sound like my dad! Yes, it’s a job. I can help you get someone good.

RAMIREZ: Will they be painfully good?

FEINBERG: Hahaha. The only ones that are as good are you, Tom Hanks, and the Dalai Lama, and I’m pretty sure they’re busy. But I’ll find you someone ethical.

RAMIREZ: You don’t have to do that.

FEINBERG: Sweetie, I really do.

RAMIREZ: Okay, I trust you.

FEINBERG: Damn… That may be the sexiest thing any man has said to me.

RAMIREZ: Really?


RAMIREZ: I’m glad I said it then.

FEINBERG: Okay, these cards aren’t going to open themselves.

RAMIREZ: It is kinda fun.

FEINBERG: A Chrismukkah miracle.

RAMIREZ: I’ll drink to that!

 FEINBERG: Feliz Jánuca!

RAMIREZ: Mazel Tov!


FEINBERG: Hey, here’s a card from REDACTED. They invited us to visit them at REDACTED.

RAMIREZ: That might be fun.

FEINBERG: That would DEFINITELY be fun!

RAMIREZ: This one doesn’t have a return address.

FEINBERG: SHIT! Don’t open it!

RAMIREZ: The government checked all of these out. They wouldn’t give it to me if anything was dangerous.

FEINBERG: Uhhh. I guess?

RAMIREZ: See? (RIPPING PAPER SOUNDS) It’s just a card, kinda abstract.

FEINBERG: It is pretty cool. Who signed it?

RAMIREZ: It just says, “A.F.” 

FEINBERG: Does that ring any bells?

RAMIREZ: No. Kinda strange.

FEINBERG: All the AFs I can think of are dead. Aretha Franklin, Arthur Fiedler.

RAMIREZ: Hold on.



FEINBERG: You know who AF is?

RAMIREZ: Do you trust me?

FEINBERG: Yes. Wow, I said that fast.

RAMIREZ: I’ll get your coat.

FEINBERG: This better not be caroling.

RAMIREZ: No, it isn’t.


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The Subject-Early Christmas

A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89V7-H3B

LOCATION: White House, Oval Office

PROJECT: November Delta Alpha

DATE: December 15th, 20XX

X: Mister President, thank you for meeting with me.

POTUS: I don’t have a lot of time. Something exploded in Montana, where there wasn’t anything and I gotta go to a holiday party that isn’t a party for me.

X: Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

POTUS: I’m not in the mood for literary references mac. You better have some good news for me.

X: I do, Mister President. Consider this an early Christmas present. 


X: Allow me to introduce David Taylor and Jane Harris.

TAYLOR: A pleasure to meet you, sir!

LEE: Indeed Mister President!

POTUS: Thank you, thank you. You’ll have to forgive me, have we met?

X: No sir. These two fine Americans have been doing fieldwork for us.

POTUS: I don’t want to sound rude but while I thank you for your service, I’m not sure why I need to meet you two right this very minute.

X: I apologize sir, I have buried the lead. They are the newest Enhanced Americans.

POTUS: That’s the understatement of the year! You cracked it? That IS a Christmas and birthday present all wrapped up as one!

X: Taylor, Harris. Would you mind waiting outside?

HARRIS: Not at all, sir.

TAYLOR: Whatever you need, sir.


POTUS: This calls for a celebration, I got a bottle of twenty-four-year-old single malt I’ve been dying to crack open.

X: Mister President, I must be candid with you. We still haven’t solved the problem of the process.

POTUS: Then how did you… Damnit! What did you do?

X: I kept the United States ahead in the new arms race.

POTUS: We’ve got a nation full of people who want a cure for cancer, not two more super people!

X: As do I, but it is not our only problem. The Russians have an Enhanced soldier. 

POTUS: If the Russians want to do business with criminals, let them!

X: The American people have embraced Mr. Ramirez’s efforts, I doubt if they will reject two more heroes. Both of whom are members of the newest branch of the United States military. Take a look at this folder, Mister President.

POTUS: U.S. Enhanced Guard, what the heck is this malarky, and why is it on Presidential stationery?

X: I took the liberty-

POTUS: You’re takin’ a lot of those.

X: -Of drawing this up on your behalf. As you can see, they report directly to the office of the president.

POTUS: I’ve got a lotta questions about all this.

X: I am sure you do.

POTUS: One, who the hell paid for all this? Sir Roger Clarke can afford to throw his cash around but this can’t have been cheap.

X: The process is very expensive but it was paid for out of my department’s budget.

POTUS: Sounds like you’re overfunded.

X: I am confident it was money well spent. Mister President, the landscape of warfare is changing as we speak. An Enhanced soldier can eliminate a battalion of enemy troops before they could even respond. 

POTUS: How do you-

X: Based on tests and projections.

POTUS: And you didn’t think I might want to be consulted on this sorta thing?

X: Plausible deniability sir. 

POTUS: Except now I’ve got two super-soldiers cooling their heels in my outer office. Hard to plausibly deny that. (FIVE SECOND PAUSE) But you might be right. If Russia has its own, we need to keep up.

X: As we have two, I would say we have a distinct advantage.

POTUS: Don’t you mean three? We also have Carlie Ramirez on our side.

X: In theory, yes.

POTUS: Something else you’re not sharin’ with me?

X: No sir. It is merely that Mister Ramirez is a private citizen who has been working in conjunction with the government. He is not a soldier.

POTUS: Are you suggesting we draft him?

X: No sir. Our psychological profile suggests that he would resist that. To say nothing of the optics. His approval rating is quite high. 

POTUS: Higher than mine, but you don’t become president if you want everyone to like you.

X: Mister Ramirez’s actions have prepared people for the existence of Enhanced individuals. They will be embraced by the public.

POTUS: How sure are you about that?

X: Extraordinarily confident.

POTUS: Well then, I better get signing. 

X: If I may suggest, this is an excellent opportunity for you to address the American people, say tomorrow at noon, eastern time.

POTUS: And you have already made the arraignments I’ll bet.

X: You would win that bet, sir.

POTUS: You’re one of those better to ask for forgiveness types.

X: I only do what is best for America sir.

POTUS: Not sure how I’m gonna explain this to everyone.

X: It will all be covered in your speech.

POTUS: Naturally. Well, I have to go glad-hand a bunch of folks who’ll gonna hate me tomorrow.

X: Happy Holidays Mister President.

POTUS: Ho, ho, ho.


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The Subject-The Real Dope

EVERYONE’S LYING-Episode # 397 December 13th 20XX

Exploring The Enhanced Situation”

Host-Jonathan Webber

WEBBER: Greetings seekers of truth and welcome to episode number three hundred and ninety seven of Everyone’s Lying. I’m your host Jonathan Webber and I’m NOT lying. Or am I? 

This week, we have two guests, from the popular blog, “It’s worse than you think”, it’s Marjory Long.

LONG: Thanks for having me on Jonathan.

WEBBER: Always a pleasure. And our other guest is online documentarian, Vince Roth.

ROTH: Webber, prepare to have your mind blown!

WEBBER: Okay then! Let’s talk about this weeks’ topic, where does the technology that created these Enhanced individuals come from. Marjory, would you like to give us your insights?

LONG: Gladly. No one, even the corporate-controlled media, would agree that process to cure cancer is far beyond anything medical science can currently do.


ROTH: Of course.

LONG: So either this thing is one HUGE hoax-

WEBBER: Wouldn’t be the first time.

LONG: OR… they have always had the ability to cure cancer or any other disease for years?

WEBBER: Just for argument’s sake, why would anyone keep a universal cure secret?

LONG: Good question, the majority of people would think that it’s a wonderful thing, a blessing even. If you believe in that sort of thing. The short answer is money.

WEBBER: Again, playing devil’s advocate, it seems that a company would have a license to print money if they could cure any disease let alone cancer.

LONG: The same reason they discredited cold fusion. If they can cure everything with one process then they’re out of business. The medical-industrial complex thrives on repeat customers. Everything they’re peddling is insanely expensive and here’s the wildest part. There’s no guarantee it will work. In fact many times it doesn’t but you still have to pay.

ROTH: Hold on, are you saying that human beings have invented a cure- for all aliments?

LONG: That’s exactly what I’m saying!

ROTH: How could you be so naive? 

LONG: What the F-

WEBBER: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s keep it PG-13, I’d like to avoid an explicit label, okay?

LONG: Sorry.

ROTH: Right.

WEBBER: Now Marjory, can you expand this?

LONG: Oh yeah. Remember when they came up with the ‘innovation’ of wireless earbuds? So convenient! No more wires! Except they were tiny and everyone kept losing them which means…

WEBBER: People had to keep buying new ones.

LONG: Exactly.

WEBBER: Do you think that some company is sitting on a revolutionary new earbud technology? 

LONG: What? I mean, probably.

WEBBER: So is no one enjoying these innovations? 

LONG: Per usual, the uber-rich, famous, and powerful. Why do you think so many of them live longer than they have any right to.

WEBBER: To be fair, many famous people die young.

LONG: I’m sure they said something that offended someone in the REAL corridors of power and like that. They’re cut off. Sometimes literally.

WEBBER: Just so we’re clear, fantastic scientific and medical breakthroughs have been made but are unavailable to majority of humanity?

LONG: Given that that the brains of Einstein, Hawking, Turing, Marie Curie, and Sir Alexander Fleming, discoverer of penicillin FYI, have been preserved in crystal jars, It’s the only thing that makes sense.

WEBBER: Food for thought. Vince, I believe you have a different position on this.

ROTH: You bet I do. Now I’m not saying all those geniuses’ brains aren’t being kept alive through artificial means-

LONG: Thank you.

ROTH: -But the fact remains that even the most gifted of human intelligence is incapable of enhancing our bodies as we’ve seen, to say nothing of curing all disease. 

LONG: Please don’t tell me you suspect the Lizard People?

WEBBER: Marjory, let’s hear him out.

LONG: Fine.

ROTH: Actually, I did theorize Lizard People’s influence. On a side note, they are actually a highly evolved dinosaur species that controls half of the Hollow Earth. The other half is controlled by a proto-human empire comprised of what would be more commonly known as the missing link.

WEBBER: Vince, not that I don’t enjoy a vigorous discussion of Hollow Earth politics but I think you’re getting a little off track.

ROTH: Right. The short version is the evolved dinosaurs have their claws full and no motivation to create a technology that could be used against them. So I naturally ruled them out.

WEBBER: Makes sense.

ROTH: So then I asked myself, “Vince, who does have the advanced scientific acumen to do this?” The answer is clear. Aliens.

WEBBER: Why would extraterrestrials want to make human beings more powerful?

ROTH: To fight in their wars, but I should be more specific. Alien tech was reverse engineered to create the Enhanced process. It’s a well-known fact that the U.S. Government has had access to advanced extraterrestrial tech since the Rosewell incident.

WEBBER: Was it done at Area Fifty-One?

LONG: Everyone knows that Area Fifty-One is a front.

ROTH: Exactly! It’s all smoke and mirrors. Set up to distract a gullible public from looking deeper.

WEBBER: Do you have any theories as to where the real facility is?

ROTH: Clearly they had to do their research at Area Fifty-One-A.

WEBBER: Area Fifty-One-A?

ROTH: That’s where all the real important innovations happen. The first cellphone was built there in nineteen fifty-nine. 

WEBBER: Fun fact. So is Area Fifty-One-A near Flagstaff?

ROTH: It was when Charlie Ramirez first showed up. The beauty of Area Fifty-One-A is that it is mobile. 

WEBBER: Are you saying the personnel move to different locations?

ROTH: Area Fifty-One-A is a repurposed alien spacecraft that while it is no longer space-worthy, it can move rapidly AND disguise itself to blend with any surroundings.

WEBBER: Ingenious. Two very intriguing theories as to the origins of this new leap in human evolution. Any thoughts on where this goes next?

ROTH: Invasion of the Hollow Earth.

LONG: That’s ridiculous!

ROTH: It’s the obvious next move!

LONG: They’re clearly creating super-soldiers to bring about the New World Order. One nation on its own doesn’t have the resources to fight a prolonged conflict in the Hollow Earth, they need to have a united front!

ROTH: Are you advocating war in the Hollow Earth?

LONG: Of course not! I’m just pointing out the only way it might be successful. And you brought it up!

WEBBER: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s hold on to those thoughts! We’ll be right back after I tell you about Taco-Box. The world’s most popular taco subscription service. If your taco isn’t in a box, don’t eat it!


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The Subject-Everyting Is Fine

NCN (National Cable Network) Breaking News with Rene Lambert

DATE: December, 9th, 20XX 12:27 PM EST


LAMBERT: Welcome back, we’re going live with Secretary of Defense, Jasper McKay. Mr. Secretary, thank you for joining us.

MCKAY: My pleasure Rene.

LAMBERT: There has been a lot of speculation about the Air Force transport carrying Charlie Ramirez being shot down, can you shed any light on that?

MCKAY: First let me tell you and all your viewers that with all certainly that there was no attack on American soil. It was a mechanical failure.

LAMBERT: Aren’t you concerned that a military transport suffered a catastrophic failure? Shouldn’t they be inspected regularly?

MCKAY: Rene they are, I assure you. But equipment failure is a fact of life, like it or not. I just thank God that there were no injuries. 

LAMBERT: Perhaps you should thank Charlie Ramirez. He not only made sure the crew got off safely but was able to put the jet down away from any civilians as well as survive the crash.

MCKAY: Mr. Ramirez is a true American in every sense of the word. We’re lucky to have him in our corner. I think the crew of that transport would agree.

LAMBERT: I certainly would. There was a low-yield nuclear explosion in a remote region of the Republic of Jakmar, what measures is the U.S. government taking in response?

MCKAY: The President has ordered the Seventh Fleet to step up their presence in the South China Sea, as a gesture of support for our allies in the region.

LAMBERT: The President of Jakmar has vehemently denied that they have any nuclear weapons but no one has taken responsibility for the explosion. 

MCKAY: The use of nuclear weapons is a very serious matter and the United States is ready to help our allies in any way that they need. 

LAMBERT: Will Charlie Ramirez be deployed?

MCKAY: He’s not a member of any branch of the military, so we can’t just deploy him.

LAMBERT: But it does seem as though he’s working for the government. He was traveling on an Air Force transport.

MCKAY: As I understand it, Mr. Ramirez’s situation is unique. 

LAMBERT: Are there any plans to recruit other Enhanced individuals for government service, specifically military service?

MCKAY: That’s an awfully shortlist of candidates. The process that Mr. Ramirez went through is not yet fully understood, but top minds are working very diligently to do so. 

LAMBERT: So is there a plan to make more like him?

MCKAY: There isn’t a country in the world that wouldn’t want someone like Charlie Ramirez on their team. But as I understand it, there is no super-soldier program in place.

LAMBERT: Hold on Mr. Secretary, we have some breaking news. We go now to our correspondent in Moscow, Vera Montoya.

MONTOYA: Rene, the Russian Federation has just announced they have their own Enhanced individual. The press conference is just about to start.

LAMBERT: Remarkable! Mr. Secretary, do you have any comment?

(THREE SECOND PAUSE) It seems we’ve lost Secretary McKay. We now join the press conference from Moscow.


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The Subject-Status Indeterminate

A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89H6-3B0D


PROJECT: November Delta Alpha

DATE: December 10th, 20XX

BROWN: Doctor, what’s the status?

DOCTOR: Sir, the asset was caught in the outer range of a low-yield nuclear blast.

BROWN: She has a name.

DOCTOR: Excuse me, sir?

BROWN: Ignore that. Again, what is her status?

DOCTOR: For anyone else, it would be a death sentence, but the asset is much tougher than we thought.

BROWN: Meaning?

DOCTOR: First, the asset is still here, which is remarkable. Even more, the asset is alive.

BROWN: That’s good.

DOCTOR: Debatable.


DOCTOR: When the recovery crew arrived on the scene, the asset had suffered fourth-degree burns. Extremely severe, almost always fatal.

BROWN: Can you save her?

DOCTOR: We have the asset in an experimental gel bath which should help. However-

BROWN: What?

DOCTOR: The asset’s ability to heal is remarkable-

BROWN: So you keep saying.

DOCTOR: Sir, it’s not a question of recovery, that’s going to happen. At least physically. But the level of pain the asset has experienced is terrifying. I question if the asset will remain… viable.

BROWN: Your job is to make sure that she is.

DOCTOR: I’ve read the psych profile of the asset, as much as was I was cleared for. Not extremely stable to begin with.

BROWN: Your point.

DOCTOR: The asset is effectively being tortured. Survivors of such experiences are changed. Not for the better.

BROWN: You think she’ll become dangerous?

DOCTOR: Maybe? There is no way of knowing. No one has ever survived something like this.

BROWN: Doctor, I strongly encourage you to make sure she recovers fully.

DOCTOR: I can’t guarantee that sir, I-

BROWN: That was not a suggestion.

DOCTOR: I understand. We’ll need additional psychiatric personnel.

BROWN: Consider it done.

DOCTOR: One other thing sir.

BROWN: What is it?

DOCTOR: Normally, protocol is for the asset’s enhancements to be neutralized when back at base.

BROWN: I set those protocols.

DOCTOR: Of course sir. It’s just that the asset’s enhancements are the only thing staving off death.

BROWN: Are you proposing that we push a button and let her die a painful death?

DOCTOR: Of course not! That’s a violation of my oath as a physician.

BROWN: Good. Clearly, the protocol can be broken, given the circumstances.

DOCTOR: Of course.

BROWN: I’ll have a list of vetted psychiatrists for you within the hour.

DOCTOR: Thank you, sir.

BROWN: I’ll need regular updates on her condition.

DOCTOR: Naturally.

BROWN: And doctor…


BROWN: If you can spare her pain, please do so.

DOCTOR: Absolutely.

BROWN: Thank you.


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The Subject-Falling For You

A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89H6-2VP9


PROJECT: November Delta Alpha

DATE: December 6th, 20XX


RAMIREZ: Hi there.

FEINBERG: Hi there yourself, and hello to Agent Brown or whoever else is listening in.

RAMIREZ: I’m sure no one is spying on us.

FEINBERG: That is so sweet that you think that.


FEINBERG: I’m not being cynical-

RAMIREZ: It sounds that way. 

FEINBERG: Darling, you are America’s Hero. They literally call you that in the press. I’m sure they just are keeping an eye on you.

RAMIREZ: I can’t believe you approve of that. If it’s true.

FEINBERG: It is, and I don’t. Spying on your personal messages is hugely unethical and illegal. But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

RAMIREZ: What could they possibly get out of spying on us?

It’s ridiculous!

FEINBERG: You’re right. It’s absurd. How are you?

RAMIREZ: I was about to say exhausted but I don’t really get that way anymore. I was helping flood victims down in Louisiana. No one died but homes and businesses were destroyed. F.E.M.A. was on the scene, so that’s a start. What have you been up to?

FEINBERG: I was going to tell you about a really good meal I had but now that just sounds stupid.

RAMIREZ: Ha! What was it?

FEINBERG: A BBQ brisket sandwich on a roll made from mac&cheese with a side of sweet potato fries, because I’m health conscious. 

RAMIREZ: OMG! That sounds like a heart-attack starter.

FEINBERG: Did you hear that I had sweet potato fries? They are an excellent source of fiber, vitamins, and minerals.

RAMIREZ: Did you just copy that off the internet?

FEINBERG: As a journalist, I cannot reveal my sources.

RAMIREZ: Very noble of you.

FEINBERG: Thank you. If it makes you feel any better, I only ate about a third of it. 

RAMIREZ: It does actually. Is that kosher?

FEINBERG: Lucky for you, I’ve got a soft spot for treife.

RAMIREZ: Is that how you see me?

FEINBERG: In the best possible way.

RAMIREZ: I miss you too.

FEINBERG: When will you be back in the city?

RAMIREZ: Do you mean New York City?

FEINBERG: You know I do.

RAMIREZ: Soon, I hope. BTW, I’m really proud of you. Ms. Science and Technology correspondent.

FEINBERG: You’re watching?

RAMIREZ: Of course! I can’t usually see you live but I watch when I have some downtime.

FEINBERG: You’re the best.

RAMIREZ: You’ll make me blush.

FEINBERG: I’ll bet you’re blushing right now.


FEINBERG: I really wish you were here right now.

RAMIREZ: Be careful, you’ll make Agent Brown blush too.

FEINBERG: LOL! I’ll just leave it to your imagination.


FEINBERG: Hey, are you going to do that race?

RAMIREZ: It’s stupid.


RAMIREZ: But it is for charity, and Sir Roger has promised to donate no matter who wins.

FEINBERG: He’s just annoyed that everyone is calling him the “Second Super-Hero.”

RAMIREZ: Not sure what this race will prove but that money could help a lot of people.

FEINBERG: You’re going to do it.

RAMIREZ: I’m going to do it.

FEINBERG: Then make sure you win.

RAMIREZ: You got it.

FEINBERG: Good. BTW, where are you now?

RAMIREZ: On an Air Force transport. We’re headed to Northern California to fight wildfires.

FEINBERG: What can you do?

RAMIREZ: Whatever I can. 

FEINBERG: My hero.

RAMIREZ: Hold on.

FEINBERG: What’s wrong.


RAMIREZ: Falling. Call you right back.


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