EVERYONE’S LYING-Episode # 397 December 13th 20XX
“Exploring The Enhanced Situation”
WEBBER: Greetings seekers of truth and welcome to episode number three hundred and ninety seven of Everyone’s Lying. I’m your host Jonathan Webber and I’m NOT lying. Or am I?
This week, we have two guests, from the popular blog, “It’s worse than you think”, it’s Marjory Long.
LONG: Thanks for having me on Jonathan.
WEBBER: Always a pleasure. And our other guest is online documentarian, Vince Roth.
ROTH: Webber, prepare to have your mind blown!
WEBBER: Okay then! Let’s talk about this weeks’ topic, where does the technology that created these Enhanced individuals come from. Marjory, would you like to give us your insights?
LONG: Gladly. No one, even the corporate-controlled media, would agree that process to cure cancer is far beyond anything medical science can currently do.
ROTH: Of course.
LONG: So either this thing is one HUGE hoax-
WEBBER: Wouldn’t be the first time.
LONG: OR… they have always had the ability to cure cancer or any other disease for years?
WEBBER: Just for argument’s sake, why would anyone keep a universal cure secret?
LONG: Good question, the majority of people would think that it’s a wonderful thing, a blessing even. If you believe in that sort of thing. The short answer is money.
WEBBER: Again, playing devil’s advocate, it seems that a company would have a license to print money if they could cure any disease let alone cancer.
LONG: The same reason they discredited cold fusion. If they can cure everything with one process then they’re out of business. The medical-industrial complex thrives on repeat customers. Everything they’re peddling is insanely expensive and here’s the wildest part. There’s no guarantee it will work. In fact many times it doesn’t but you still have to pay.
ROTH: Hold on, are you saying that human beings have invented a cure- for all aliments?
LONG: That’s exactly what I’m saying!
ROTH: How could you be so naive?
LONG: What the F-
WEBBER: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s keep it PG-13, I’d like to avoid an explicit label, okay?
WEBBER: Now Marjory, can you expand this?
LONG: Oh yeah. Remember when they came up with the ‘innovation’ of wireless earbuds? So convenient! No more wires! Except they were tiny and everyone kept losing them which means…
WEBBER: People had to keep buying new ones.
WEBBER: Do you think that some company is sitting on a revolutionary new earbud technology?
LONG: What? I mean, probably.
WEBBER: So is no one enjoying these innovations?
LONG: Per usual, the uber-rich, famous, and powerful. Why do you think so many of them live longer than they have any right to.
WEBBER: To be fair, many famous people die young.
LONG: I’m sure they said something that offended someone in the REAL corridors of power and like that. They’re cut off. Sometimes literally.
WEBBER: Just so we’re clear, fantastic scientific and medical breakthroughs have been made but are unavailable to majority of humanity?
LONG: Given that that the brains of Einstein, Hawking, Turing, Marie Curie, and Sir Alexander Fleming, discoverer of penicillin FYI, have been preserved in crystal jars, It’s the only thing that makes sense.
WEBBER: Food for thought. Vince, I believe you have a different position on this.
ROTH: You bet I do. Now I’m not saying all those geniuses’ brains aren’t being kept alive through artificial means-
LONG: Thank you.
ROTH: -But the fact remains that even the most gifted of human intelligence is incapable of enhancing our bodies as we’ve seen, to say nothing of curing all disease.
LONG: Please don’t tell me you suspect the Lizard People?
WEBBER: Marjory, let’s hear him out.
ROTH: Actually, I did theorize Lizard People’s influence. On a side note, they are actually a highly evolved dinosaur species that controls half of the Hollow Earth. The other half is controlled by a proto-human empire comprised of what would be more commonly known as the missing link.
WEBBER: Vince, not that I don’t enjoy a vigorous discussion of Hollow Earth politics but I think you’re getting a little off track.
ROTH: Right. The short version is the evolved dinosaurs have their claws full and no motivation to create a technology that could be used against them. So I naturally ruled them out.
WEBBER: Makes sense.
ROTH: So then I asked myself, “Vince, who does have the advanced scientific acumen to do this?” The answer is clear. Aliens.
WEBBER: Why would extraterrestrials want to make human beings more powerful?
ROTH: To fight in their wars, but I should be more specific. Alien tech was reverse engineered to create the Enhanced process. It’s a well-known fact that the U.S. Government has had access to advanced extraterrestrial tech since the Rosewell incident.
WEBBER: Was it done at Area Fifty-One?
LONG: Everyone knows that Area Fifty-One is a front.
ROTH: Exactly! It’s all smoke and mirrors. Set up to distract a gullible public from looking deeper.
WEBBER: Do you have any theories as to where the real facility is?
ROTH: Clearly they had to do their research at Area Fifty-One-A.
WEBBER: Area Fifty-One-A?
ROTH: That’s where all the real important innovations happen. The first cellphone was built there in nineteen fifty-nine.
WEBBER: Fun fact. So is Area Fifty-One-A near Flagstaff?
ROTH: It was when Charlie Ramirez first showed up. The beauty of Area Fifty-One-A is that it is mobile.
WEBBER: Are you saying the personnel move to different locations?
ROTH: Area Fifty-One-A is a repurposed alien spacecraft that while it is no longer space-worthy, it can move rapidly AND disguise itself to blend with any surroundings.
WEBBER: Ingenious. Two very intriguing theories as to the origins of this new leap in human evolution. Any thoughts on where this goes next?
ROTH: Invasion of the Hollow Earth.
LONG: That’s ridiculous!
ROTH: It’s the obvious next move!
LONG: They’re clearly creating super-soldiers to bring about the New World Order. One nation on its own doesn’t have the resources to fight a prolonged conflict in the Hollow Earth, they need to have a united front!
ROTH: Are you advocating war in the Hollow Earth?
LONG: Of course not! I’m just pointing out the only way it might be successful. And you brought it up!
WEBBER: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s hold on to those thoughts! We’ll be right back after I tell you about Taco-Box. The world’s most popular taco subscription service. If your taco isn’t in a box, don’t eat it!