A.E.G.I.S. REPORT # 89H6-7XK-9G
PROJECT: November Delta Beta
DATE: November 7th, 20XX
BROWN: Do you require any medical attention?
AARONOVITCH: What do you think?
BROWN: I’m required to ask as part of this debriefing.
AARONOVITCH: I’m fine, any bloodstains are from other people.
BROWN: Asset does not require any medical aid.
AARONOVITCH: I do require something to eat and a stiff drink.
BROWN: Once we’re done.
AARONOVITCH: Okay… Dad.
BROWN: You were inserted three klicks from the target.
AARONOVITCH: A lot of your lingo sounds suggestive. Do I need to speak to HR?
BROWN: Asset continues to show a lack of respect for authority.
AARONOVITCH: You spooks don’t know how to have fun.
BROWN: Can we please continue?
AARONOVITCH: Fine, fine. Have it your way Burger King. Oooo!Someone’s got a new nickname.
BROWN: Did you encounter any resistance on your way to the target?
AARONOVITCH: Other than it being hot, gross, and sticky? No.
BROWN: You then disabled external power to the compound.
AARONOVITCH: Yes. I also breathed in. Then, hold on, I breathed out.
BROWN: These details are important.
AARONOVITCH: Fine, I knocked over the electrical tower. The one you told me to.
BROWN: Did the electricity affect you?
AARONOVITCH: No, it kinda tickled though.
AARONOVITCH: I got to the edge of the compound. It was crawling with scared guys with guns.
BROWN: How could you tell they were scared?
(AARONOVITCH taps her ear.)
AARONOVITCH: I could hear their heartbeats. Boom, boom, boom!
BROWN: What happened next?
AARONOVITCH: I cleaned house.
AARONOVITCH: Ugh! It’s like you have no poetry in your soul!
BROWN: Poetry is subject to interpretation. We need the facts.
AARONOVITCH: Fine! I killed them all. Is that what you wanted to hear?
BROWN: Yes. What about REDACTED?
AARONOVITCH: He almost got away.
AARONOVITCH: Well, after I went through all his men I thought, ‘Where is REDACTED?’
BROWN: Where was he?
AARONOVITCH: Picture this, I’m in the middle of the REDACTED. Covered in blood, the place is on fire.
BROWN: How did it catch on fire?
AARONOVITCH: A flame thrower may have been involved.
BROWN: You used a flame thrower?
AARONOVITCH: They started it. But if I’m being honest, it’s a LOT of fun.
AARONOVITCH: Well the tank was empty, so I just flung it through a wall.
BROWN: About REDACTED.
AARONOVITCH: Right, got off track. So I stop and I listen. Then I heard it.
BROWN: REDACTED’s heartbeat?
AARONOVITCH: Nope. The fading sound of helicopter blades. So I run outside and leap into the night. It was sorta like flying. Very peaceful. Then, of course, there was the tearing of metal, the screaming, and the explosion.
BROWN: Can you confirm REDACTED’s death?
AARONOVITCH: After all that? Yeah, consider him dead.
BROWN: I cannot stress how important this is. REDACTED has been killed. Yes or no.
AARONOVITCH: YES! Jesus, you have some serious trust issues.
BROWN: Call it an occupational hazard.
AARONOVITCH: Maybe open your heart a little there Burger King.
BROWN: Did you enjoy it?
AARONOVITCH: I mean, you drop me in the middle of the REDACTED jungle so I can kill the world’s most dangerous REDACTED and destroy a REDACTED.
BROWN: So you enjoyed it.
AARONOVITCH: Oh my God yes!
BROWN: Your enthusiasm is noted.
AARONOVITCH: You’re welcome. BTW, there was a room just filled with cash. I mean like a cartoon-rich guy amount.
BROWN: Did you take any?
BROWN: Why not?
AARONOVITCH: Well for starters, I didn’t have a purse. And the ninja outfit you had me wear didn’t have any pockets. Even if it did, what would be the point? It’s not like I’m going to go on a shopping spree.
BROWN: What happened to it?
AARONOVITCH: Dunno. Probably burned up in the fire. Seems like a waste though.
BROWN: In what way?
AARONOVITCH: There have to be people who could use that money more than REDACTED and his band of merry assholes.
BROWN: Interesting. That is not an answer I would’ve expected.
AARONOVITCH: My mercurial nature is one of my most charming qualities.
BROWN: Is that why you took that watch?
AARONOVITCH: You like it? I just saw it and HAD to have it.
BROWN: Did it belong to REDACTED?
AARONOVITCH: He wasn’t going to be using it.
BROWN: Please refrain from looting corpses.
AARONOVITCH: Please refrain from a buzzkill.
BROWN: No promises. A meal is being prepared for you, as per your order.
AARONOVITCH: Everything I asked for?
AARONOVITCH: Including the-
AARONOVITCH: Burger King, that is so sweet. You’re going to make me blush.
BROWN: Have it your way.